28 Jun 09 – Be not afraid

Morning to all!

Another day down and I’m 38% done with my tour. I would list the days left in country but that’s kind of depressing. I can say it’s been fun; it’s just that it hasn’t been real fun. It’s been fun to find out that this old man still has a lot of the young soldier in him. I’m in a world here where the average age is somewhere around the 30 to 34 year old age group. I’m not senior by any means but I’m close. It’s been fun to know that many of my friends and acquaintances back home are there to support me, my family, and my soldiers. It’s been fun to be with a team that started out together in the minor leagues. Many of the faces changed early on, but when we were called to the major leagues we were ready. We are one team here with many backgrounds, many personalities, and so many “there I was” type stories. In case you’re wondering what “there I was” type stories, they could be anything from there I was knee deep in poop when I realized I had jumped head first; to there I was riding in a MRAP when suddenly (fill in the blank). Do not confuse this with the back home stories of “Hold my beer and watch this”. No matter what, the stories that are told are a soldier’s way of sharing information, healing wounds, or giving wisdom to a friend in need. Sometimes you have to wonder what our soldiers lives will be like after all is said and done.

Many of you may have heard of my story about my flight back from Kosovo on my first trip there. I was only in Kosovo for a week but the life lesson I learned on the way back to the states will stay with me always. You see the flight was a mixture of civilians and soldiers from Germany, Kosovo, and Iraq. I sat behind two young kids not much older than 20. They were talking of things that they had experience during their time in IRAQ. The tales told were of convoys that had been attacked and the loss of someone close to them within their own organizations. There was an older man seated close by that talked to the boys as if he had been there as well. He was, but the time and place had been well before the boys were born. The old man smiled; knowingly and maybe for an instant, he was reminded of a time so long ago. The stories were enough to make me wonder what the future would be for the two so young soldiers. They were ok together, but what would they do after they separated? What would happen when they had to dwell on what they had done, or maybe even failed to do? On the plane they had each other but after they left the airport, who would they have that would listen and not judge? I can only ask those here and those back home to help our young deal with what they have seen so early in their life. It means even more to me now that my daughter is on her way here. I pray that during her time here that she will never have to lose someone close, that she will never have to ask herself was there something more she could have done? As a father and a senior leader there is no doubt in my mind why we are here. My issues are with what our young have witnessed, the wounded, and more importantly, the not always visible wounds that many bring home. What you can do back home is listen, support them, and get clergy involved if need be. Luckily for our young veterans and their families there are many places and services available for our sons and daughters to join and become a member of. Just like there are for recovering alcoholics or people dealing with drug dependency.

Our mass today was dedicated to Father Tim who passed away last week in Minnesota. Father Tim was injured in 2004 when an IED went off near his vehicle. He was the first military chaplain wounded in Iraq. Father Tim never fully recovered from his injuries. During mass Father said the 5th commandment says though shall not kill. But like most commandments, the follow on is that though shall preserve life whenever possible. He talked about it as being the soldier clause. In order to preserve life sometimes you have to take one in order to save many. The irony is that Father Tim lost his life, but how many lives had he saved without even having had a weapon?

I know I’m not alone when I say in order to get through this experience you need a little help every now and then. Today’s mass was the help I needed to deal with everything in my life right now. Our family is scattered far from the nest. Susan is left home alone trying to pick up the pieces that keep our family together while we are apart. Our son Matt recently moved north to Alexandria, Darcie just moved back to Minnesota from Chicago, Josh is at Fort Jackson, and Jacki is on her way to Iraq.

Jacki’s trip begins with a brief stop at Ft Benning on the first leg on her all expense paid vacation to Iraq. She sent me two text messages yesterday one said “Dad it was so hard saying goodbye, I don’t know how you could have done this twice” the other one said “I’m here now in Benning I’m exhausted I’m going to sleep”. Both times she said I love you! When I replied I said the only thing that can make saying goodbye better is saying hello I’m home. You need to understand saying good bye is so very hard, but saying hello I’m home is the same as hitting the good old play button on the “this is your life” DVD/VCR player. Our journey together will be brief, but this portion of our life we share will be remembered for a life time!

My title of today’s blog posting is “Be not afraid”. Jacki this was the hymn that we sang at church today. Between me and you Jacki, you need not be afraid because I will be with you!