12 Aug 09 – Upcoming Leave

Sitting in the mess hall this morning I found myself thinking of my life, my wife, my family and lastly but not least important our friends. Now that I wrote it down on paper I guess it’s not much different than yesterday or the day before that? It’s just that right now I so miss even the smaller things in life. She told me about her weekend, and that Aubrey and Matt were at the cabin with her and had enjoyed a small fire outside. I could visualize them sitting by the fire, complete with the sounds of the snapping and crackling wood as it burns. I picture in my mind the small talk that always seems to go with a fire or sometimes even the unspoken words amongst family and friends that are shared. All this and more had me missing home.

To be honest it left me sad and the self pity monster tried to suck me in. But to know my time until coming home on leave is getting closer pushed self pity back into the closet where it belonged. Soon I’ll be able to listen to the sweet music of the wind blowing through the trees at our cabin instead of the mega generators that run here night and day supplying our power. To actually have a fire that wasn’t burning important papers, but instead maybe having a fire to actually roast some marshmallows? How my taste buds will enjoy one of those up north delicacies called S’ mores! I will enjoy the soothing sound of crickets and frogs serenading in the distance, instead of the air handling units rumbling in the background. I’ll even welcome the sound of our dogs Bella and Mikey as they crash through the underbrush, instead of the foreign language being sang on the radio.

How I want to be there right now to do nothing more than hold my bride in my arms. Or to be on the receiving end when my grand baby gives me a snotty wet kiss or even when she holds my hand with her tiny one while we walk down the road. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to have someone in my personal space again, if only giving me a hug. When Jacki hugged me here at Basra last month it was like my body had come alive with emotions. Emotions I had unconsciously blocked out came rushing back. I find myself looking forward to having a meal together with Jacki just so I can see her smiling face. It’s kind of twofold really because when I look at Jacki I see so much of my wife in our daughter. She has her mom’s smile, her laugh, and has even mastered the look of “oh I’m so tired”. All those things and more make me realize that I am so blessed by what I have both on the home front, and also here with me today. Jacki has definitely brought a smile to my face, and a little spring to my step. Knowing that she is here as well as the other members of my extended family has filled a void that I didn’t even know existed.

People here ask me what will be the first thing that you’re going to do when you get home. Many of my emotions might answer differently at any giving time but right now all my emotions just want to be held close by my wife. I want to be able to smell my wife’s hair, and be able to look into her eyes and see that everything is going to be ok. I want to put my arms around her and hold her so very close. There is much more to this paragraph but I’m censoring it out using my parental controls.

So to answer the question about what are you going to do, my reply is nothing? My plan is to not have a plan but to enjoy each day with the love of my life, our family, and hopefully our friends if we are able. One thing is for sure I will find some time to spend with my grand baby (Pudding Britches) to fill my mind with more memories to carry me through the rest of my time here in the sand. Then again thinking about my soon to be separation from the Army I will probably have to make some money playing cribbage with Harry. I’m not saying I’m proud of my card playing ability, but I have to prepare myself financially for the world without the Army.

Until then please tell everyone that I said hi! And please keep the soldiers and their families in your thoughts and prayers as you go through your daily lives.

That is all,

Dave