Friday, April 29, 2011

Request for prayers

Between me and you I started writing this blog before the Angel was born on April 27th, a day that Jacki and Zach were sent down a life path traveled by so many others before them. The path is soft and spongy from the tears that have been shed. Those having previously traveled the path don’t initially notice that the flowers and trees lining the path are bright, colorful and growing beautifully.

I noticed lately a lot of our friends are asking for help in the way of prayer requests. My mother-in-laws niece, a co workers infant daughter, a soldiers spouse left behind, and a buddy’s step daughter are all part of my normal prayers. I say a prayer most days thanking God for my life, my wife, family, friends, and soldiers serving everywhere. I almost always ask that people everywhere learn to play well with others regardless of their beliefs and religion. I normally say my prayers during my morning commute to work. Those of you driving by me may smirk thinking I’m doing the sign of the cross in hopes of making it to the fuel pumps, or that I’m praying that my car makes it in to work. No, I’m actually praying to God asking him to look out for our friends from Texas in hopes their health improves or our friends from Warba and Cottage Grove that their lives will be better as they recover. I never forget to thank the big guy for my life and the spectacular sunrises and the rather impressive sunsets I witness almost daily.

Lately I’ve asked God to help Jacki and Zach travel through the muddy waters. I can honestly say it’s hard to stand in line watching my daughter traveling on the roller coaster of life without stepping forward to make sure that her PPE (Personal Protection Equipment) is in place. Like everyone else I ask the big guy to help them, guide them, and be there as they make their journey. It’s not easy, in fact sometimes I feel like Helen Keller as I stand there not knowing what to say or how to express one’s self.

Not so long ago I heard the pain in Jacki’s voice as she asked me on the phone if Mom was there. I knew instantly something was the matter and waited anxiously to hear exactly what. My worst fears were realized as Mom relayed that Jacki was having complications with her pregnancy. I thought to myself then as I do now that they are already dealing with more than their fare share of troubles. I want to step forward and lighten their load but I know their load is theirs to carry right now. I pray they find their way and they ask God to help them through this troubled time. For the record, I’ve asked God to help all my kids and to be with them all as they travel through life. There is a poem I have always liked titled “Footprints in the Sand” that has always made me reflect on life.

"Footprints in the Sand"

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?"

The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.”

Yesterday I too sent out a prayer request on Face book and through my e mail account asking everyone to keep Jacki, Zach and their family in their prayers. Maybe I was too late in asking everyone’s help or maybe the doctor was right when he said “Sometimes there is nothing you can do if it wasn’t meant to be”. Instead of accepting either one I believe it wasn’t his time and that God needed him more. Baby Hercules will never know the world eagerly awaiting his arrival. He will never witness the glorious sunrise or sunsets that God has painted for us. But I feel in my heart and soul that baby Hercules will know he was loved by many and he will be forever. I pray he is with our family now on the other side walking hand in hand with those that have gone before us.

Jacki I swear to you it will get better. I mentioned in the hospital that your mom and I lost a child (Samantha) as well. I find comfort in knowing that through the tragedy of death comes a new commitment to each other and the future. When Mom gave birth to you, and later Josh it truly was a miracle. I can say that being a parent isn’t always about the good times, nor is it about the bad. What life is about in my eyes is celebrating the love we have, the life we have had, and the dreams of what the future hold. I’m asking you to carry a piece of Hercules with you in your heart. I also ask that you teach your family to dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

Look back years from now and wonder about the man he may have been. Then ask yourself if Hercules would be proud of you for the life you led. Your mom was right in saying we should plant a tree in honor of Hercules. Your idea of plating a weeping willow in his memory is beautiful. His brothers helping plant the tree will make the event all that much more meaningful. If you want we could release some helium balloons carrying messages from the boys. I have beautiful spot in mind near the pond where we can place a park bench. It will be a place to sit in quiet solitude or perhaps listen to the kids as they play nearby. Imagine the whisper of the wind blowing gently through the branches. With the crickets, frogs and the rest of nature’s choir providing the background music. As the seasons change your heart will heal and you will move on with your life.

As I get a little older I get a little wiser. Knowing what I know now, I’m asking my family now before its too late to not morn my death, instead I ask that you celebrate my life and take with you a part of me as you live your life day to day.

That is all,
Dave

P.S. To the duck that held it all together I am proud of you. You were swimming in the pond without even a ripple on the surface of the water. While under the surface you were kicking your legs for all they were worth to stay afloat. It’s ok to rest now and let Jacki know your innermost feelings. Part of the healing process is to share your feelings and to grow together through this experience. I’m asking you from one father to another to let your boys see your tears in order for them to know that it’s going to be ok. Tears are nature’s way of making a bad situation better!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Dave and Susan,

    I am praying for you and all your family. Footprints is one of my favorite poems. Take care of yourself, Susan and everybody. I wish I could have met Susan when I was there.

    Take care, Mary Yusckat

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