14 Feb 09 - Valentines Day

Good morning and Happy Valentines Day from Ft Lewis Wa!
Today I woke up like most days reaching for my wife to snuggle with. Again I was disappointed and realized where I was. Since my last posting I have moved from my open bay hammock bed to a single room with the traditional bed with no give to it. My mattress could be on a table for all the support the springs give me. I know I shouldn't complain but everything you do in your day to day routine reminds you of how much you miss your past life. Yesterday my wife dropped off Doug Pardo for his flight here to Ft Lewis. She called me on her way home and I could tell that she had been crying.

I know what I have to do and where I'm going to be in less than a month. But I can't hug my wife and comfort her like I wanted to do. Instead I sent her a few texted messages and called her back. I tried to give her comfort but I'm sure I fell well short of my intent. It's hard going from what you used to do, to this is the best I can do given the circumstances. I know we have all let our spouses down before but you feel really useless when you know it's all you can do and it's not good enough.

I'm not on a pity trip here, it is what it is. I will get through this and return to my wife when this is over. I'm sure like most I will deal with the guilt of being gone, the guilt of having a life without her, and the guilt of not being there when she needs me most.

On a happier note I took my mental health test today and passed. The mental health test gives the Army a starting point before and then again after the deployment to check your mental health. The testing is used for traumatic brain injury or other war zone related brain illness. I have to admit it was touch and go for a while. Part of the test is remembering symbols for example if you picture a domino the symbol on top might be a & and the number it corresponds to would be a six. There are 10 domino's and 10 different symbols. You have to remember the association after they show you multiple symbols. Not every six they show has the same symbol as the key. So you left click if it's right and right click your mouse if it's wrong. Then there were math problem like 4 + 6 - 3 = , if your answer was less then 5 you left clicked and greater then 5 you right clicked. Long story short my head hurts and my eyes are sore.

Take some time to call your loved ones to say Hi, Happy Valentines Day and that you love them. I (we) will be OK Susan and I both know that our love for each other and the support of our family and friends will get us through this.

That is all,

Dave